Posts tagged Self-Love
To My Younger Self

You're going to waste a lot of time and tears on the opinions of others on your body, on your sexuality, on your worth. Please know that you are worth so much more than the number on the scale or the size of jeans or the clarity of your skin. 

There's nothing wrong with your skin color or your scars or your acne. You are lovely in the skin you're in but there are going to lots of people who tell you otherwise, who tell you that it makes you less valuable, less beautiful, less worthy of love and respect. They're wrong. 

Don't even think about getting a breast reduction. Believe me, it'll work out in your favor down the line. *wink* Your classmates will give you hell for a few years but it's all jealousy, dear. 

Don't let anyone shame you for buying, using, and enjoying makeup. It isn't deceiving, shallow, frivolous, or useless. Makeup is art. It is a creative outlet. It is self-expression. It is fun, experimental, and confidence-boosting. Watch tutorials, create looks, play with color, try different techniques. Explore your passion, dear. It'll get you far. 

You're going to like many a stupid boy. Some will tell you you're fat and gross. Others will make comments about your body and act like they have every right to do so, like you're only purpose is to be beautiful for them. Others will try to silence you, invalidate your opinions because of their own insecurities. Never try to change your body, hide your intelligence, censor your opinions, or alter your personality for anyone else.  

Start being more selective about your online presence and who you give the privilege of learning your stories and adventures. The number of likes, retweets, shares, faves, and followers you have doesn't make you a better person. Your work ethic, compassion, determination, and ability to empathize with others is what makes you better. 

Shopping is going to be daunting and you're going to shed a surprising number of tears in dressing rooms, pinching your tummy and desperately trying to yank those small jeans over your full thighs. You're not the problem, dear. This stupid society the shoves ridiculous standards down our throats is. Find stores with your size and wear comfortable clothes that fit you properly. 

Keep the lights on. He loves every single part of you including your spots, stripes, and scars. He doesn't care about your weight or your soft stomach and thighs. He loves you because you are a smart, engaging, vibrant, sexy, and quite cute when you want to be. Let him love you. Let him see you in all your goddamn glory. 

 

This post was inspired by the beautiful post of Callie Thorpe.
Check out the post here

A Broke Girl's Guide to Self-Care
Self-care isn’t just facials & pedis. It’s holding yourself accountable for the spaces you occupy and the people you surround yourself with. Self-care is prioritizing your growth over everything and to do so you can’t continue spending time in toxic environments around toxic people. Self-care often requires you to adjust habits, end relationships, and change ‘friends’. Choose yourself and never apologize for your evolution
— Ebonee Davis (twitter)

For quite some time, I've equated self-care with shopping trips, makeup tutorials, Sunday brunches, and binge watching my favorite Netflix shows. And while those are valid self-care practices, I've learned that self-care is more than the "treating yo self" ethos. It's more than a reward. Self-care involves being safe and secure in yourself. It's about self-awareness and prioritizing your physical and emotional health over anything else. 

I've treated self-care as some kind of reward and after a while, I forgot what it really meant to take care of myself and really get myself the help I needed. Listed below are a few things I've learned over the years on my journey to learn to love and care for myself. 


Disconnect

The news nowadays can get horrific, the negative comments and political mess can be disheartening, and sometimes the state of the world makes me want to crawl into bed and cry. Unlike before, we receive all this news and negativity as its happening, with updates coming in every few seconds through every social media app and every device. Shooting in Vegas, California fires, North Korea's threats of nuclear war, ethnic cleansing of the Rohingya, Trump's Twitter tirades, Duterte's war on drug. They just keep coming and it's overwhelming. 

Remind yourself that we aren't made to process so much suffering all at once and you're allowed to give yourself time away from all that pain and negativity. Turn off your phone for an hour. Close your laptop and grab a book. Turn off the TV and talk a walk. Remind yourself that there is good and beauty in the world. 

 

Acknowledge & Process What You're Feeling

At my previous job, I was terrified of making even the smallest mistake. When I did, I worked through it, stressed myself out even more, rushed and fumbled my way to the end then spent far too much time beating myself up for being a failure. I didn't give myself time to breathe and process what I was feeling. I jumped straight to the conclusion that I was a failure and my default response was to be apologetic. 

When you're feeling stress, anxious, rundown, or stretched far too thin, take a moment to breathe and process what you're feeling and why. 

 

Schedule a date with yourself and don't cancel

We prioritize things that we consider important. You shouldn't be an exception. Make time and learn to prioritize yourself. I used to to make so many plans and promises for myself. New years resolutions, promises to not fall back into unhealthy cycles or behavior, and commitments to the gym or a new hobby. It's funny how easy it was for me to break promises to myself while I beat myself up for breaking any promises I made to others. 

Schedule a date with yourself. Take yourself out to that movie you've been wanting to see but have no one to go with. Eat at that Italian restaurant you've been wanting to try but feel awkward going to alone. Try that yoga class that you've had your eye on. Learn to enjoy your own company. Take a few minutes, an hour, a day, or even a few days to yourself, to take care of yourself. The world will still be there when you get back. 

 

A little at a time

Last year, my self-care routine involved spending a day or two every month to shop, walk around, visit the museum, and spend a day all to myself. I now realize that it would have been better if I made it a daily habit, if I set aside 10-15 minutes to focus and do something for myself. Self-care should be a habit, something built into your life and as routine as brushing your teeth. 

Take baby steps instead of large leaps. 

 

Cut out the toxic people in your life

Some of the best decisions I ever made for my emotional health were cutting toxic people out of my life. In college, I struggled with toxic friends who made me feel small and drained me emotionally. I would call my mother in tears, I lost some weight, and my grades began to slip. It took a while but I finally decided to cut them off and focus on myself, my growth, and my true friends. Everything changed and thankfully, all for the better. 

Never apologize for cutting toxic people out of your life and prioritizing your health and happiness. 

 

Don't lie to yourself

Know when you're not fine and when you need help. Be honest with yourself. Take a look at yourself and ask if your behavior, your lifestyle, and your relationships are good for you and are pushing you to be better or if they're self-destructive and unhealthy.